Away Day at Sheffield FC

Trafford Fans Blog - Sheffield v Trafford Tues 3rd March 2099

Following the usual flurry of WhatsApp activity in sorting the Transportation arrangements, Mrs Brown kindly transported me swiftly to Tarzans’ manor in the little pea mobile. I arrived early as always and was greeted by the usual “who the dickens r you” from the lovely Mrs McGrath. That said, she’d been kind enough to supply her luxury Coronavirus bus for the evening complete with 7 seats and Mugsys’ half eaten cheese butties in the footwell, mmm!

We duly departed & collected Messrs Faulkner & Bellis from the Hatton Garden Crew and Liam & his mate James from the Dark Fruits Posse, from the NagZ. Faulks informed us he’d been in the Naggy since 2pm so we were treated to the usual barrage of insults, as he was standing in for Sleepy Lee. Onto the new A555 Airport by-pass, Messrs Faulkner & Bellis regaled us with humorous tales of their infamous trip to Portugal with Ken & Richard taking centre stage! Muggs furnished us with detailed information on the by-pass’s drainage issues, so to relieve the boredom I whipped out a few San Miguels’ and dished em out, whilst Liam & James Warrington polished a few a’hem, Dark Fruits up the back.

Cheered up by the San Miguel & Dark Fruits Bellis suddenly realised we were passing some decrepit village where the residents were the 1st in the North to catch the Plague after visiting some Shandy supping friends in the Sarf’ of England, all very cheery! Guided by Muggers fine navigation skills we arrived at Sheffield’s’ Dronfield based ‘Home of Football Stadium’ via Sparrowpit Lane in good time.  Keen not to face the wrath of Fiona I collected the empty tinnies for the re-cycling! 3 San Miguels and 8 Dark Fruits, the lads in the back had bin proper busy!! As Mugsy disappeared off into the bowels of the ‘Stadium’ to mount the flags, me Faulks & Bellendimo made a beeline for the Coach & Horses which serves as the Sheffield clubhouse, for a couple more liveners, nice pub, nice staff!

We entered the ground with our plastics, to be re-united with the rest of the crew, as our yellow clad gladiators entered the arena, and we’re 1 up in 3 minutes courtesy of Mr 21 Questions, Bairdy.  Cue the noise! During a brief lull in proceedings we noticed the steep banking was covered in plastic sheeting, future fixtures will be forever known as ‘El Plastico’.  Sheffield equalised through Chapel before Max Hazeldine restored our advantage after great work by Salmone.  Half Time 1-2 Trafford! 

We returned to the C&Horses to procure some further refreshment as Faulks attempted to sweet talk the lovely lady behind the bar. Out for the 2nd half, and Faulkner who was by now fully ‘refreshed’ disappeared to the Pie hut and returned with Pie & Peas for him and Bellis, and much to everyone amusement, a Sausage Roll for massive Bull Dog owned by a grateful Sheffield fan he’d been talking bollocks to, for the previous 10 minutes. Bully devoured his fayre with ruthless efficiency and gave Faulks the puppy eyes and a few face licks.  A new friendship was born!!

With all the canine hilarity we hardly noticed the plastic boys had got themselves level, and then following 2 unpunished fouls right in front of the liner and ourselves, during a Trafford attack, the oldest club in the world broke on the counter and put themselves 3-2 up, so we politely enquired about to the speed of the liners eyeballs! Cue a nervous last 5 minutes and Darius’s new Coronavirus song.  Just as we thought all was lost, our heroes showed their fighting spirit and equalised from a last minute corner, that man Bairdy again. More noise!!

The hapless ref blew up, so penalties would decide who would visit Workington on a Tuesday night in the Quarters!! Needless to say, we let the plastics win 4-3 on pens to avoid the Cumbrian Odyssey and a £800 coach bill.  JE looked visibly relieved!  We departed for home pastures and apparently Bellendimo told some crap jokes during the journey, and it was discovered young James was attending his first Trafford away game after ditching his hometown club Warrington Town, in favour of the Whites.  Upon arrival back in Urmsterdam he still had to get home to Warrington via the last train from Urmston.  Hardcore indeed.  A cracking evening out despite the result!! Cheers, MB