Away Days - Nantwich Town

Away Days – Nantwich Town FC Saturday 5^th April 2014:

‘Watch my cape’ & ‘Mr 50p head’…..two unpredictable quotes of the day…….to be explained later….

So thankfully Nantwich isn’t a million miles away and the start wasn’t too early for this supporter!

We were picked up at the gentle and Godly hour of 11.30am by our local taxi driver Sempie who was ably assisted by his navigator, the Lovely Lynda.

W e were greeted at the Fun Bus cheerily by Dave Murray, the Trafford fox that is Foxxy, Paul and Old George…all eager beavers.

Seats were selected and the picnic packed away overhead (never does Tim go anywhere unprepared) and we sat and waited for the bus to fill up……and slowly it did. The players and committee all arrived and as predicted by Lynda, ‘The Management’ were the last to grace us with their presence…and we were off…….

The journey was only a short one with not much time for anything other than Foxxy to make the rounds with a sweep for the Grand National, and for Tim to tuck into the butties. Well ok yeah – I did manage a couple myself and perhaps a little sausage roll….didn’t want them to go to waste!

We arrived in Nantwich and dropped the ever ready explorer Cappy off in the town centre and we carried on for the whole extra long 2 minutes to the ground.

Paul, our driver, was obviously feeling a little daring as he took the challenge to drive over the ‘bridge’ which was apparently weak according to the little sign that nobody saw except for Tim ‘Hawkeye’ Stephens……but we all survived and there were no casualties……

Off the players trotted, through the club shop into the ground……while we were left to stand around outside until the turnstiles could be opened.

This gave us the opportunity to pose the question ‘why are Nantwich Town known as ‘The Dabbers’? We all looked to Brian Griffin to furnish us with the answer……having played three seasons with them in his footballing career he was shamefaced in telling us he didn’t know……so off went Old George into the club shop to make enquires….  My theory that there was once an old woman who was somebody’s Nan who was thought to be a witch was not quite on the mark……..turns out it was something to do with a canon…at that point I lost interest so still can’t tell you the answer.

Eventually we were allowed in. I think it was because we were all looking menacingly like we could storm the gates at any second….but more likely that they had managed to find the float….

Into the ground we went – very nice and very new…..Tim straight away eyeing up the food menu at the snack hut and the prices……he takes his outside catering way too seriously….

The ground, as I said, looked good. The clubhouse/function room was above the incorporated seated stand and up the stairs we trotted to sample the local produce….yeah OK I do mean booze..which was, I have been told very pricey (I am oblivious to such trivia, as long as I have a drink in my hand I don’t care how much Tim had to pay for it J).

We sat around chatting and drinking, drinking and chatting…and then we were joined by our right honourable Supporters’ Club Mr Chairman Andy Glinka and the lovely as ever Lady Helen Glinka, who had driven t to the match. Andy said he’d had the BEST time ever enjoying the delights of Nantwich’s myriad of Charity Shops on the hunt for an ‘old’ cocktail shaker for Helen. I am pretty sure Sempie would have shook her up a cocktail if she’d asked.. (sorry Semps!) Instead though, she had managed to buy a book on Psychology…still looking for tips on how to handle Glinka…but as I told her, that book hasn’t been written yet!

Then the fun really started as the ‘Dave Hornby Booze Cruise Groovy Gang’ arrived. Now they tried to tell us they were in some kind of fancy dress outfits but we all knew they were still in their Friday night disco dancing gear from the night before. So into the room burst Dave ‘Ronald Macdonald on acid’ Hornby in a very fetching outfit complete with blue curly wig……. I have got to say he suited blue…… I have got to say he suited hair! J Accompanied by Batman, Paul ‘Austin Powers’ Pudding Hornby (or as Helen pointed out – Alan Carr), the rather bedraggled looking ‘Comedy Scouser’ (ay ay calm down la’ calm down) and who we came to call ‘Jethro’ looking very attractive in dungarees and flowing blond locks (don’t ask where his hands always were)……I’m not sure what the locals quite made of them but who cared??? It added some great colour and fun to the day. Oh, and do I really need to add that in true Rowley Birkin fashion they were all, ‘very, very, drunk’.

So to the match itself… out we went to do what we had come such a long way for – watch the match and support the Super Whites. I am not a football reporter so I am not going to attempt to describe the match (although there could be some people who would possibly be in need of a blow by blow report of what happened on the pitch because there are those who strangely chose to spend the whole 90 minutes with their head down playing with their phones????)……our supporters mostly all stood together in the other covered stand on the opposite side of the ground to the clubhouse and close to some Dabbers supporters who were equipped with a drum….but that was fine because we were equally well equipped with Dave Hornby and his Groovy Gang! We really did have some great banter with them and they had one particular supporter who gets a special mention, sporting a jaunty hat, with whom we had a proper good laugh. We could do with him at Shawe View! 

The Trafford support were in fine voice and there was seldom a quiet spell where one lot of fans or the other were not either singing or banging…….then came half time…..time for the Groovy Gang to get back to doing what they do well…drinking! With a sweeping movement and fleet of foot, off went Batman closely followed by The Comedy Scouser and then came the first quote of the day…..The black curly hair bewigged, red tracksuit wearing ‘Scouser’ got a little too close for comfort to our Superhero who turned and uttered those immortal words ‘watch my cape!!’ ……… surreal!

More drinks were consumed during half time (plus a delish cupcake courtesy of the lovely birthday girl Gillian Hughes – happy birthday Aunty GillianJ) and before we knew it, it was time for the second half (did I mention it was nil –nil??).

More singing, more banter and fun and then came the second memorable quote of the day……our very own Jethro (both hands still in untold places) shouted at one of the home team ‘Mr 50p head’…….to a lot of laughs……I still don’t know what it means but it was funny!

My other particular highlights were Helen’s shouts all through the match of ‘come on Mini Mason!!’ and ‘oi!! get your hands off Mini Mason’ if any of the opposition went anywhere near our Steve ‘Mini’ Mason….. there was a real sense of impending danger of her invading the pitch…good job she hadn’t been drinking!! Note to the Chairman – please try and bring Helen more often!!

Then we scored!!! Was it Rory Fallon?? Was it Martyn Andrews???? Nobody seemed to know but who cares?? We were one up with not long left to go and we were all ecstatic. It was a great feeling nicking a late goal, as that was what they had done to us at Shawe View earlier in the season. It was later confirmed by Rory himself that it is was a Martyn Andrews match winner.

After four nervy added minutes we were victorious!! Three more lovely points to take home with us all the way back to Shawe View.

A few more pre-Fun Bus drinks in the clubhouse were had by all and then before we knew it, we were back on board after managing the long walk to the coach (having been asked to move it back across the ‘weak bridge’ just after arriving). It was a struggle but with everyone supporting each other we all survived it.

Then for the arduous journey home. The Fun Bus made a brief stop at a local Co-Op for a stock up on essentials…..which nearly included an instant family for Ant as he was followed very closely out of the shop by a young mother and child!

Soon the twinkling lights of the Trafford Centre were in sight and we were on the home straight. The usual drop off at the Nag’s Head was made where our lovely redneck Jethro was stood in the doorway ready to welcome GV and his followers….hands still unmoved from the  comfort of his dungarees……blond hair blowing seductively in the breeze!

 Another fab away day was at an end…..roll on the next one!!

Points:

Ground 8 – very new and bright but not cosy like The View

Food 8 for the Cornish pasty, 7 for the hotdog (Tim says substantial but too beefy) with a point deduction for running out of cottage pies so an overall average of 7 awarded by our resident food critic.

Value for money 6 – entry fee higher than The View at £9, programme a bit poor (too many adverts & not enough info) and apparently the bar prices were way too high for our boys and girls.

Home supporters – 10 out of 10 for the dude with the hat J