Trafford On Tour: Alternative Away Day - Radcliffe Borough

Trafford On Tour - Radcliffe Borough 12^th April 2018

I’m not going to write much about the game, I’m going to list the comic things that went on because when my family look at me like I have completely lost the plot because I’ve been to Radcliffe on a freezing cold Thursday night to watch a 0-0 draw, I will give them this list to prove that it was eight quid well spent…….

The best action of the game was Darbo hitting the bar with a shot. During the half time kick about Darbo also hit a shot which clipped Browny’s pint on its way to crashing into Sniffer’s cup of tea causing not one but TWO spillages. (Harry Kane claimed it). Darbs came over to apologise and tried on Browny’s specs. You don’t see that at OT or the Etihad (hashtag only-in-non-league).

We spent the first half in the seated end of the ground. There was a steward who obviously decided we were Trouble with a capital T because he was hanging around looking at us funny. Snakehips Paul came back from the snackbar complaining that they only had steak slices. Browny came back with several bags full of hotdogs, pies, pasties, sausage rolls etc……..

Ally Brown made one of his surging runs down the right and whipped a cross in from bang on the byeline, only for the Liner to flag it as having gone out. Cue shouts of “Liner, you have a bag of rubbish for a heart! Look at the disaster unfolding around you! You have destroyed our dreams! You should be in the stand eating crisps!” he was pishing his head off!

We had TWO flags with us tonight, and we vociferously belted out some of our TFC songs whilst the Steward kept his eyes on us. At half time the sign “This Way To The Club House” seemed to point away from the clubhouse, so we ignored it (which probably got us another black mark in the Steward’s notebook) and entered a room that was like some kind of boudoir-nightclub with mood lighting, drapes and fake flickering flames. Several people were in there dressed very smart. Rock-&-Roll-Malcky asked them had they been there for a wedding? “A funeral” was the answer…….

Speaking of Malcky, we came up with yet ANOTHER new song – singing about our own fans now, as he left early to beat the traffic, we sang “Woooah Malcky Malcky, MalckyMalckyMalckyMalcky Rock & Roll!”

Browny discovered a way of getting free beer at half time – drink two thirds of your pint, then ask them to top it up, and they only charge you for an half. Result!

For the second half we moved to the other end of the ground and assembled in “The Fellend”. Also joining us was Radcliffe’s goalkeeping coach and the car park attendant from Bamber Bridge, who started singing FC United songs but substituting the word “Trafford”….. hashtag only-in-non-league.

A group selfie confused some of our cru, who thinking it was a video started singing and dancing for the camera. That’s right, the game wasn’t the greatest…….

To be fair to the players, they were putting in a shift even if they did look tired from recent exertions and the flurry of fixtures. Trafford were definitely pressing for a 1-0 win for the last 20-25 minutes, but Radcliffe’s keeper was catching or punching our high balls into the box. Burnzee had one nicked off his toe 4 yards out; Dorney had a shot charged down: Free kicks hit the wall and corners were cleared. The Radcliffe defenders were doing their jobs manfully. As mentioned earlier Darbo hit the bar and it bounced down about an inch in front of the goaline. A succession of Trafford corners in the last 10 minutes led at one point to Cappy sprinting like a sealion to retrieve the ball from behind the perimeter wall……

We could have done with a win but the consensus was a point is a point and a clean sheet is a positive, so we’re not too despondent. Lots of football left to play and the playoffs are still within our grasp. COME ON TRAFFORD!! (Muggsy)