Fans Report - Goole Away

FANS’ MATCH REPORT – GOOLE AWAY 21st APRIL 2018

IT WAS A LATE DEPARTURE FOR THE TEAM/FANS COACH from Shawe View due to a tardy player who shall remain nameless but his initials are S.MILLER. Despite running behind schedule the journey across the beautiful sunlit Pennines went to plan and we arrived in Goole about 1.15 which gave us a good hour & half to sample the local beer. “How far is the walk to the pub?” inquired Shakehips Paul…. “200 meters” was the reply from Browny…. “And how far back is it?” was the next question……

Both answers were complete BS as it was at least half-a-mile to The Old George, passing many a charity shop on the way…. which gave us an idea for a Man of the Match award, but more of that later……

At the pub we took up residence in the beer garden as it was so sunny. There were about 14 of us at the pub plus Dave Murray had been sent to keep an eye on us as we mixed with the locals who spoke in a really strange accent. Polish.…

After 3 pints we walked the 200 meters / half a mile back to the stadium, stopping once to visit “Thomas Baker’s Bakery”

Supporters outside Tom Baker's Bakery.

and twice to visit one of the aforementioned charity shops. This was to purchase a suitable prize for what would be the first ever “Travelling Supporters Man of the Match Award” – a new feature being trialled today for roll-out next season. 50 pence was invested in a vinyl copy of the soundtrack to the Rogers & Hammerstein musical “South Pacific”. Who would today’s lucky player be……?

Inside the Victoria Pleasure Stadium, with its architecturally magnificent neo-Venetian water tower, we took up residence in the “Shed” on the far side of the ground, Liam & his cru having already set up their Family Guy flag. The Shed was also the home of the Goole Ultras, and we spent much of the 1st half having a sing off with them. It was pretty noisy stuff and our new Lee Neville song got a good airing. Mention must be made of the catering – Browny’s request for a cheeseburger with onion was met with a cheeseburger…… and an onion. A full onion! #onlyinnonleague.

Matt Brown getting exactly what he ordered.

At half time we had to walk another 200 meters and half a mile round the running track to reach the bar. We then got lazy and decided we couldn’t be bothered walking back to The Shed for the second half so we rang Liam & got him to bring the flags back this side and we’d just bask in the sun for the 2nd half – Error. BIG Error. This was a must win game for Tom & the Boys……. and it wasn’t won. And it was all our fault for being more interested in sunbathing during the 2nd half than supporting the team and out-singing the Gooligans. Sorry Tom! Sorry Boys!

Supporters topping up their tans!

You can go to the club website or read the Messenger for a proper journalistic match report courtesy of Leeky + Muggsy (The Lawman being away). Suffice to say the pitch was bobbins/bobbly and despite our yellow-shirted heroes efforts, we fell to a one goal defeat to a team who’d been relegated during the week and celebrated at the end with a team photo! There was a somewhat maudlin atmosphere on the coach on the way home, and the recipient of the South Pacific LP, Ally Brown, seemed totally bemused as to what it was all about..……?

We dropped off half the team on a motorway roundabout and I hardly remember getting home. I think I got off at The Nag’s Head but sensibly decided to go straight home and collapse face down on the living room floor. Burkey wants to burn my flag but he’s not having it! (Report written by Auric Goldfinger)

20(one) questions with... Paul Linwood

Paul Linwood is an ex-professional central defender who signed for Trafford during 2017/18 pre-season. Having started his career at Tranmere Rovers (then in League 2), he went on to make his name at Chester City (also then of league 2) where he was named player of the season in 2008 and then became the club captain the following year. Further stints at Grimsby, Fleetwood, Chester (non-league) and Salford, where he joined just as the class of '92 began their revolution, have provided Paul with plenty of experience and know how (as well as a cracking sense of humour) to Trafford's dressing room. 

Paul Linwood during his second spell at Chester City

1. So, apparently you're Trafford FC's Mr funny... what's your best joke?

Why did the pasty cross the road? Because he was meetin potato.

2. In your absence, who takes care of team morale?

Got to be Chris Palmer, the lad is crazy. He normally gets up at 6:30 every morning to go to work, the other day he hit the snooze button and got up at quarter to 7. 

3. There seems to be a real good vibe in the squad at the moment. Who or what's that down to?

The lads here actually get on which helps and there is a really good team spirit. Apart from Lee Neville there are none of the lads that I dislike.

4. Are we gonna get another season out of you?

I very much doubt it, too old and slow.

5. How old are you really? Trafford FC website claims 29 but there are rumours you are much older.

Haha someone has got that really wrong. I am 28*.

6. Another rumour was you retired last season. How did you end up joining Trafford?

I have actually retried about 4 times now over the years. My 6 year old William trains with Trafford and wanted to watch his old man play a few times. Also, I knew the manager and Shukes (god rest his soul), and was impressed by the professionalism and want to go out on a high.

7. In light of what happened on Saturday at Colwyn, how much of a concern is it when the advertising boards are so close to the pitch? Has it ever been an issue before?

I have never experienced anything like it previously but yes, I feel it is a massive issue as realistically, that incident could have been catastrophic so something needs to be done.

8. What is your pre match routine?

Be sober.

9. How many keep ups can you do... what's your record?

Definitely into double figures now.

10. Best player you've ever played against?

Okocha for Bolton

11. And with?

Jamie Vardy

12. Team supported as a kid?

Liverpool, breaks my heart that I now live in Manchester and my lad has a Man United kit.

13. Favourite music/band?

Favourite band, good question. Has to be elastic

14. What was your time at Salford like and how involved were the class of 92?

Loved every minute of it, great project that is going from strength to strength. All of the lads are heavily involved and very passionate, I have no doubt they will reach the football league.

15. Favourite TV show?

Not a big TV fan, Mrs made me watch Scandal though and loved it.

16. As a defender, who do you think would be harder to mark... Ronaldo or Messi?

Messi I think, although I think both would have a good day.

17. Favourite non-league ground?

Trafford, love the atmosphere and the people and my family and kids love it. Pitch is ok too Foxy.

18. Biggest achievement in football?

Think just playing league football for as long as I did.

19. Favourite sport other than football?

Boxing

20. All time sporting hero?

Shiraz

And last but not least... nominate someone for next month's 20 questions.

Jack Dorney

*After further research, Paul Linwood may or may not actually be 28.

A massive thanks to Linny, a top lad with a wicked sense of humour 😄. Good luck for the rest of the season... we also hope you manage to go out on a high. #playoffs #promotion

Trafford On Tour: Alternative Away Day - Radcliffe Borough

Trafford On Tour - Radcliffe Borough 12^th April 2018

I’m not going to write much about the game, I’m going to list the comic things that went on because when my family look at me like I have completely lost the plot because I’ve been to Radcliffe on a freezing cold Thursday night to watch a 0-0 draw, I will give them this list to prove that it was eight quid well spent…….

The best action of the game was Darbo hitting the bar with a shot. During the half time kick about Darbo also hit a shot which clipped Browny’s pint on its way to crashing into Sniffer’s cup of tea causing not one but TWO spillages. (Harry Kane claimed it). Darbs came over to apologise and tried on Browny’s specs. You don’t see that at OT or the Etihad (hashtag only-in-non-league).

We spent the first half in the seated end of the ground. There was a steward who obviously decided we were Trouble with a capital T because he was hanging around looking at us funny. Snakehips Paul came back from the snackbar complaining that they only had steak slices. Browny came back with several bags full of hotdogs, pies, pasties, sausage rolls etc……..

Ally Brown made one of his surging runs down the right and whipped a cross in from bang on the byeline, only for the Liner to flag it as having gone out. Cue shouts of “Liner, you have a bag of rubbish for a heart! Look at the disaster unfolding around you! You have destroyed our dreams! You should be in the stand eating crisps!” he was pishing his head off!

We had TWO flags with us tonight, and we vociferously belted out some of our TFC songs whilst the Steward kept his eyes on us. At half time the sign “This Way To The Club House” seemed to point away from the clubhouse, so we ignored it (which probably got us another black mark in the Steward’s notebook) and entered a room that was like some kind of boudoir-nightclub with mood lighting, drapes and fake flickering flames. Several people were in there dressed very smart. Rock-&-Roll-Malcky asked them had they been there for a wedding? “A funeral” was the answer…….

Speaking of Malcky, we came up with yet ANOTHER new song – singing about our own fans now, as he left early to beat the traffic, we sang “Woooah Malcky Malcky, MalckyMalckyMalckyMalcky Rock & Roll!”

Browny discovered a way of getting free beer at half time – drink two thirds of your pint, then ask them to top it up, and they only charge you for an half. Result!

For the second half we moved to the other end of the ground and assembled in “The Fellend”. Also joining us was Radcliffe’s goalkeeping coach and the car park attendant from Bamber Bridge, who started singing FC United songs but substituting the word “Trafford”….. hashtag only-in-non-league.

A group selfie confused some of our cru, who thinking it was a video started singing and dancing for the camera. That’s right, the game wasn’t the greatest…….

To be fair to the players, they were putting in a shift even if they did look tired from recent exertions and the flurry of fixtures. Trafford were definitely pressing for a 1-0 win for the last 20-25 minutes, but Radcliffe’s keeper was catching or punching our high balls into the box. Burnzee had one nicked off his toe 4 yards out; Dorney had a shot charged down: Free kicks hit the wall and corners were cleared. The Radcliffe defenders were doing their jobs manfully. As mentioned earlier Darbo hit the bar and it bounced down about an inch in front of the goaline. A succession of Trafford corners in the last 10 minutes led at one point to Cappy sprinting like a sealion to retrieve the ball from behind the perimeter wall……

We could have done with a win but the consensus was a point is a point and a clean sheet is a positive, so we’re not too despondent. Lots of football left to play and the playoffs are still within our grasp. COME ON TRAFFORD!! (Muggsy)